Perhaps it's fitting that seemingly no one likes poetry these days. The common response to the annual announcement of the commencement of a poetry unit is pure dread and groans often echo around the room. It's understandable; poetry requires decoding and effort. It's meaning isn't instant or definite like so many things are today. Poetry elicits emotion and deep thought processes about concepts that don't involve celebrity hook-ups and the latest version of Snapchat. It's beauty is understated and doesn't demand attention. The precise pinpointing of the exact, right words in the exact, right rhythm and rhyme is overrated and exceeds the character limit for comprehension. Poetry is a waste of time. If that's the case, what does that make the ever growing trends toward narcissistic social media updates and the constant need to post selfie after selfie? Surely, that is a quality way to spend one's time. But when it comes to poetry... #aintnobodygottimeforthat right? Poetry is everything that society is not and maybe, just maybe that's why I love and admire it so damn much. But at the exact same time, poetry surrounds us if one is willing to look hard enough.
In the modern world, everyone is fastened to the fast track with instant answers just beyond the screen of a computer and responses received within seconds of sending a message. Eyes are glued to cell phones and computer screens and TVs 24/7. All the knowledge in the world lies just beyond our fingertips. And as a result, we, as a species, have developed an extreme lack of patience. An extreme lack of willingness to devote time to deciphering and interpreting something as beautiful as literary expression. With so many synthetic and digitized conversations taking place, it's hard to determine true genuineness from empty words. The constant lack of authenticity seems to add to the fear of poetry because nothing seems to be more real, more genuine. More often than not, poetry comes from a place of pure emotion and drive and unfortunately, not many people are willing to experience it in that way because as a culture we have been programmed to be numb. To have faces made of stone and hearts made of steel. What a waste it is, not to feel.
It's now three in the morning and I've come to question what exactly I'm doing with my life. I've spent the last couple hours composing this post on and off frequently distracted by lingering thoughts and past memories. Is this conformity? Is this giving in to the system? I'd like to think not because the only other viable thing I'd be doing right now is sleeping, but sleep seems to come less and less lately. I thrive at night when the world is quiet and my thoughts are oh so loud. Expectations vanish and I am free to be exactly who I have chosen to be with no restrictions. There's something poetic about the stillness of night in a world that is always racing to the finish line. You see, what many fail to realize is that it's not about what place you finish, it's about the race that you ran and the athlete you have become along the way. After all, nothing awaits after the finish line is crossed. If we take a moment to be still, physically and mentally, we can appreciate and recognize how poetic our lives tend to be.
Both the most magnificent and minute events resonate with poetry. The way a tired person's lips kiss the rim of a coffee cup before the sun has cared to join them sings of poetry. A weathered hand brushing along the porcelain skin of a child that offers fresh eyes to this giving planet is simply lyrical. The sun and moon dancing as mirror images as the day and night collide embody a true masterpiece of emotion and experience that outshines even the most perfect string of words.
If people would take a moment to be aware, to be awake, they would come to the realization that this life is so much more than the devices we carry in our pockets or display proudly on our desks. The only thing we should be carrying is kindness in our hearts. Our displays should be of humility and love. Material items are soul suckers. I ask of you simply to unplug and detach from the illusion of interaction and participate wholeheartedly in the world that serves as your home. This life is beautiful. Take the time to decipher and interpret the poems that are constantly in your presence and along the way dare to write some of your own. This story is yours and if you chose for it to be one of beauty Poetry is Key.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Authenticity is Key.
I've lost track of the number of times I've edited, deleted, and rewritten this post until finally I realized just how hypocritical that was. The topic is authenticity, so rather than spend hours selecting the perfect word or trading one sentence for the next, I've decided to compose this piece based on the polar opposite of composure: raw emotion. Brace yourself.
I'm so fed up with our messed up generation of entitlement and sheer ignorance of reality. Technology was intended for furthering ourselves mentally, for providing access to all the information in the world at the click of a button, and for allowing minds to be stretched in ways they were never capable of before. But we all know that isn't what most people use their smartphones and laptops for; there are apps too good to pass up and updates and endless selfies to be posted just in case your friends have forgotten what you look like in the last few days or are dying to know that you are in fact going shopping at this very moment. The creation of social media has to be one of the biggest mistakes ever made. It's a brilliant concept, but it's so vastly and grossly misused that it quickly loses all it's grandeur effects. The constant need for connection is sickening due to the fact that no honest, genuine connections are being made. People are fronting fake personas with endless filters and digital edits on the pictures they have to post to prove themselves, to prove that their happy. Endless ridiculous drama is infecting social media like the plague. People are demanding to be heard; all I need is a whisper in a world that only shouts. I want something more not just nasty and bitter. I want something real not just hashtags and Twitter.
I fear that people have forgotten altogether what an authentic friendship is or what authenticity is, period. I heard this song on the radio the other day and the chorus caught my attention. It goes "you're one of a kind living in a world gone plastic. Baby, you're so classic." You've got to be kidding me. If someone isn't plastic that doesn't qualify them as a retrotastic blast from the past. It qualifies them as a normal human being. It's sad that the trend people can identify with is going "plastic" but at the same time I couldn't think of a more perfect word to describe my generation and most of America in general right now. People plaster on fake smiles to pose for fake friends. Furthermore, (and perhaps most disappointing) when people are looking to improve how others view them and treat them, they look first to changing their appearance and not to improving themselves as a person. If only the plasticity was merely skin deep. Unfortunately, it has seeped heavily into the way we interact with one another. Conversations are no longer held eye to eye. They've come down to merely waiting for one word replies. And it's made it so simple, so easy to form friendships through lies and disguise. Authenticity is fleeting.
To have a genuine and authentic friendship in today's world is a special thing, a possession of the highest value. I'm very lucky to have a few. What concerns me most is how unwilling people are to create them; how blatantly unwilling people are to form friendships based off of values and understanding each other to the deepest level and then going on to understand and interpret the world together. Independence remains completely intact, but each other's company and opinion is always welcome. The type of authenticity where a friend listens not to respond, but to understand. A real connection where time spent together is face-to-face and treasured because each moment is a gift, a memory in the making. A friendship built upon a foundation of understanding that becomes a towering city of accomplishments that never would have been possible without the proper support when each brick feels a bit heavier than the last. A friendship, a connection. A real, true, honest, genuine, authentic connection. Never throw that away. It's one of the only ways to deepen one's life. And in the grand scheme of things, length will never ever mean as much as depth when it comes to the number of years you've lived.
Before people can form authentic friendships, they must make sure that they are authentic themselves in their words and their actions. Authenticity has much to do with honesty. It's incredible when people constantly say things that they don't mean. Promises broken just like that become the fast track to being cemented into one's past. Honesty is better than any sugarcoated lie will ever be. I take words very seriously. I thoroughly enjoy hanging onto every syllable as it rolls off my tongue dripping with emotion and meaning and purpose. Consequently, it's upsetting when people toss around words as if they carry no weight and no meaning at all. Every word has a different weight. Some words are physically so hard to rattle off, to gain the strength to lift out of our minds and carry away from the back of our throats. And some words get lighter with time until they seemingly levitate out into the open with no effort at all. But all words carry meaning and should be treated as such. Nothing should be said that isn't meant because once it travels to other ears or eyes, it's their weight to bear. And trust me, you don't need strong fists when your words are heavy and your voice is steady. The blows are far more damaging. So choose wisely.
I love people who are authentic and just plain real. They don't pretend to be someone else because that would be an injustice to who they are. They don't change to please people or pretend to like things that other people like just to force a connection because that would be unauthentic and quite frankly a waste of time. They are who they are based off of the decisions that they've made and they own it with seemingly unwavering confidence. So many people today are forced into someone they're not in order to fit into a system that is broken. Don't give in. Stand your ground and be confident in all the beautiful things that you are and all of the things that you are not. No one but yourself is worth changing for. It's so important to remain true to yourself and develop a sureness so powerful and strong that you are able to entertain thoughts without accepting them and are always able to keep an open mind to the world but most importantly, you must be able to welcome introspection and change when necessary.
Remain authentic because authenticity is beautiful. I can only hope that more people chose to take part in creating themselves offline and that more people become willing to take the time to form and welcome authentic friendships because Authenticity is Key.
I'm so fed up with our messed up generation of entitlement and sheer ignorance of reality. Technology was intended for furthering ourselves mentally, for providing access to all the information in the world at the click of a button, and for allowing minds to be stretched in ways they were never capable of before. But we all know that isn't what most people use their smartphones and laptops for; there are apps too good to pass up and updates and endless selfies to be posted just in case your friends have forgotten what you look like in the last few days or are dying to know that you are in fact going shopping at this very moment. The creation of social media has to be one of the biggest mistakes ever made. It's a brilliant concept, but it's so vastly and grossly misused that it quickly loses all it's grandeur effects. The constant need for connection is sickening due to the fact that no honest, genuine connections are being made. People are fronting fake personas with endless filters and digital edits on the pictures they have to post to prove themselves, to prove that their happy. Endless ridiculous drama is infecting social media like the plague. People are demanding to be heard; all I need is a whisper in a world that only shouts. I want something more not just nasty and bitter. I want something real not just hashtags and Twitter.
I fear that people have forgotten altogether what an authentic friendship is or what authenticity is, period. I heard this song on the radio the other day and the chorus caught my attention. It goes "you're one of a kind living in a world gone plastic. Baby, you're so classic." You've got to be kidding me. If someone isn't plastic that doesn't qualify them as a retrotastic blast from the past. It qualifies them as a normal human being. It's sad that the trend people can identify with is going "plastic" but at the same time I couldn't think of a more perfect word to describe my generation and most of America in general right now. People plaster on fake smiles to pose for fake friends. Furthermore, (and perhaps most disappointing) when people are looking to improve how others view them and treat them, they look first to changing their appearance and not to improving themselves as a person. If only the plasticity was merely skin deep. Unfortunately, it has seeped heavily into the way we interact with one another. Conversations are no longer held eye to eye. They've come down to merely waiting for one word replies. And it's made it so simple, so easy to form friendships through lies and disguise. Authenticity is fleeting.
To have a genuine and authentic friendship in today's world is a special thing, a possession of the highest value. I'm very lucky to have a few. What concerns me most is how unwilling people are to create them; how blatantly unwilling people are to form friendships based off of values and understanding each other to the deepest level and then going on to understand and interpret the world together. Independence remains completely intact, but each other's company and opinion is always welcome. The type of authenticity where a friend listens not to respond, but to understand. A real connection where time spent together is face-to-face and treasured because each moment is a gift, a memory in the making. A friendship built upon a foundation of understanding that becomes a towering city of accomplishments that never would have been possible without the proper support when each brick feels a bit heavier than the last. A friendship, a connection. A real, true, honest, genuine, authentic connection. Never throw that away. It's one of the only ways to deepen one's life. And in the grand scheme of things, length will never ever mean as much as depth when it comes to the number of years you've lived.
Before people can form authentic friendships, they must make sure that they are authentic themselves in their words and their actions. Authenticity has much to do with honesty. It's incredible when people constantly say things that they don't mean. Promises broken just like that become the fast track to being cemented into one's past. Honesty is better than any sugarcoated lie will ever be. I take words very seriously. I thoroughly enjoy hanging onto every syllable as it rolls off my tongue dripping with emotion and meaning and purpose. Consequently, it's upsetting when people toss around words as if they carry no weight and no meaning at all. Every word has a different weight. Some words are physically so hard to rattle off, to gain the strength to lift out of our minds and carry away from the back of our throats. And some words get lighter with time until they seemingly levitate out into the open with no effort at all. But all words carry meaning and should be treated as such. Nothing should be said that isn't meant because once it travels to other ears or eyes, it's their weight to bear. And trust me, you don't need strong fists when your words are heavy and your voice is steady. The blows are far more damaging. So choose wisely.
I love people who are authentic and just plain real. They don't pretend to be someone else because that would be an injustice to who they are. They don't change to please people or pretend to like things that other people like just to force a connection because that would be unauthentic and quite frankly a waste of time. They are who they are based off of the decisions that they've made and they own it with seemingly unwavering confidence. So many people today are forced into someone they're not in order to fit into a system that is broken. Don't give in. Stand your ground and be confident in all the beautiful things that you are and all of the things that you are not. No one but yourself is worth changing for. It's so important to remain true to yourself and develop a sureness so powerful and strong that you are able to entertain thoughts without accepting them and are always able to keep an open mind to the world but most importantly, you must be able to welcome introspection and change when necessary.
Remain authentic because authenticity is beautiful. I can only hope that more people chose to take part in creating themselves offline and that more people become willing to take the time to form and welcome authentic friendships because Authenticity is Key.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Breaking Free is Key.
My philosophy of life differs so vastly from those of my peers and fellow humans that I often feel as if I'm a different species entirely. Again and again I find myself at the point of being able to identify far more variances than similarities with what seems to be the norm. It's as if the world has been sedated and placed within a giant glass cage like animals in a zoo. People race about from one place to the next performing tasks that they have to do. But all they are really doing is occupying the hamster wheel. Running and running in circles, turning the very gears on the clock that sweats off seconds never to be retrieved, turning the hands on the time that remains in what they call "life". Yet, never really grasping the concept of what life is about. Never recognizing the pointlessness in their complacency. And here I stand, on the outside looking in. Tapping on the glass and shouting for them to break free, but they don't care to hear me. I send my thoughts in the solitude of the streams and whisper my words into the whipping winds hoping that a heart beats quietly enough to receive them and a mind rests open enough to accept them. And to the wind I whisper, and from the mountaintops I shout, and from this place of pure emotion and selflessness and sureness I plead and urge and quietly hope, and from the outside looking in this is what I see, and all I ask is that you silence your mind, your ego, your identity, and just for a moment stop running and listen, listen to the breeze. And hear me.
From the outside I see that emotion is such a beautiful thing, yet one does everything in their power to conceal it, to not feel it and that strays beyond my realms of understanding. Why would one hide what makes them human? The human absolutes that crying is associated with weakness and ongoing happiness or an iron heart are signs of strength is so far from the truth it blows my mind. These thoughts must have been injected in the sedations that the population seems to have undergone. To truly feel something is what creates the moments that become memories despite the cause. If a moment real or fictional makes you cry, then cry. If you love someone, let them know. I don't understand why signs of affection are frowned upon. Since when does it make someone weak if they care deeply for another person? The power of love is so incredibly underestimated to the point that people no longer realize it's effect or care to make it known.
Over the years emotions like love and kindness and solemnity have been twisted and transformed into things that they are not. Kindness doesn't imply flirtation. These days if I talk to a peer I've never met, they assume I have ulterior motives that simply do not exist. It disappoints me that we live in a time where kindness is questioned and the inquiry for an honest friendship is more frequently turned down than given a chance. Furthermore, the expression of love is vanishing. I join those of you on the inside when it comes to this because there are a handful of people I would give my life for and many of them have no idea that I care so deeply, that I love them. I hate how "love" has become such a touchy word. There's a surprisingly common misconception that there is only one type of love, which is really quite far from the truth. I don't love the people I mentioned in in the romantic sense of the word; I love them in the sense that if it was my life or theirs, I would choose theirs. I fall in love with strangers without knowing their name or even exchanging a word because I recognize the beauty in humanity that they represent. It is okay to love. Love shouldn't be shameful. It should be expressed; it should be known.
In our culture, why is the picture on the left more readily acceptable than the picture on the right? Why is the expression of hate easier to stomach than the display of affection? I'm tapping on the glass and whispering to silence the hearts filled with hate and promote the expression of joy and kindness and sorrow but the sedated are too concerned with their reputation and self-image to care to notice.
If people realized how little we mean to the universe, perhaps they'd finally recognize how much we mean to one another. Perhaps they'd finally see how little power and wealth and status mean and how important experience and travel and the simple things are. There is so much beauty in the power of simplicity and an ounce of courage. Everyone dies, so I refuse to spend my life in fear. Death will not reign me while I'm here. If I must go, I want it to be while I'm doing something extraordinary, which is exactly how I intend on living my life. I refuse to back down from a challenge or shy away from something that lies outside of my comfort zone. I have big plans and I will never let the cons keep me from embarking. Comfort is a vice that I do not plan on letting rule my life. Why more people don't share this attitude is beyond me. We created this system, we have the power to live outside of it. It's meaningless. In the grand scheme of things, humanity doesn't matter. We make such a huge deal over nothing. We were placed on this planet to explore, implore, create, test the limits, break them and to fucking live. So many people are content with merely existing that they don't even know what it is to live. The difference between the two is rarely even recognized.
People have so much potential that they just throw away when they make the decision to just settle. So many incredible things could be created, so many dreams could be realized. The sedated are not only brainwashed, but enslaved and shackled to the system. I refuse to live within it but I am terrified at the thought of falling short of what I'm capable of. People expect big things from me and I intend on delivering. I want to do nothing less than change the world. Because in the end, that is a very minimal thing to do when the world itself is meaningless. I'm on the outside looking in, but the solitude provides great space for thinking, for creating, for observing. Such great variances between me and seemingly everyone I know gives me great advantages to rewrite the system I will never be content on living within.
I shout from mountaintops and whisper to the wind all these thoughts that have festered within and erupted uncontrollably like Pompeii itself. Fragments of words and disconnected ideas rain down accompanied by great darkness, but let these sentences of hot controversy and somewhat radical ideas shine bright as lava and help guide the way. My hope is that you have bought in to my philosophies and have been rewarded with a wealth of knowledge that is only exchangeable for your freedom. Step away from the hamster wheel, leave complacency in the past, tear off the gas mask, awake from sedation, join me and break free at last. Breaking free is merely the first step but Breaking Free is Key.
From the outside I see that emotion is such a beautiful thing, yet one does everything in their power to conceal it, to not feel it and that strays beyond my realms of understanding. Why would one hide what makes them human? The human absolutes that crying is associated with weakness and ongoing happiness or an iron heart are signs of strength is so far from the truth it blows my mind. These thoughts must have been injected in the sedations that the population seems to have undergone. To truly feel something is what creates the moments that become memories despite the cause. If a moment real or fictional makes you cry, then cry. If you love someone, let them know. I don't understand why signs of affection are frowned upon. Since when does it make someone weak if they care deeply for another person? The power of love is so incredibly underestimated to the point that people no longer realize it's effect or care to make it known.
Over the years emotions like love and kindness and solemnity have been twisted and transformed into things that they are not. Kindness doesn't imply flirtation. These days if I talk to a peer I've never met, they assume I have ulterior motives that simply do not exist. It disappoints me that we live in a time where kindness is questioned and the inquiry for an honest friendship is more frequently turned down than given a chance. Furthermore, the expression of love is vanishing. I join those of you on the inside when it comes to this because there are a handful of people I would give my life for and many of them have no idea that I care so deeply, that I love them. I hate how "love" has become such a touchy word. There's a surprisingly common misconception that there is only one type of love, which is really quite far from the truth. I don't love the people I mentioned in in the romantic sense of the word; I love them in the sense that if it was my life or theirs, I would choose theirs. I fall in love with strangers without knowing their name or even exchanging a word because I recognize the beauty in humanity that they represent. It is okay to love. Love shouldn't be shameful. It should be expressed; it should be known.
In our culture, why is the picture on the left more readily acceptable than the picture on the right? Why is the expression of hate easier to stomach than the display of affection? I'm tapping on the glass and whispering to silence the hearts filled with hate and promote the expression of joy and kindness and sorrow but the sedated are too concerned with their reputation and self-image to care to notice.
If people realized how little we mean to the universe, perhaps they'd finally recognize how much we mean to one another. Perhaps they'd finally see how little power and wealth and status mean and how important experience and travel and the simple things are. There is so much beauty in the power of simplicity and an ounce of courage. Everyone dies, so I refuse to spend my life in fear. Death will not reign me while I'm here. If I must go, I want it to be while I'm doing something extraordinary, which is exactly how I intend on living my life. I refuse to back down from a challenge or shy away from something that lies outside of my comfort zone. I have big plans and I will never let the cons keep me from embarking. Comfort is a vice that I do not plan on letting rule my life. Why more people don't share this attitude is beyond me. We created this system, we have the power to live outside of it. It's meaningless. In the grand scheme of things, humanity doesn't matter. We make such a huge deal over nothing. We were placed on this planet to explore, implore, create, test the limits, break them and to fucking live. So many people are content with merely existing that they don't even know what it is to live. The difference between the two is rarely even recognized.
People have so much potential that they just throw away when they make the decision to just settle. So many incredible things could be created, so many dreams could be realized. The sedated are not only brainwashed, but enslaved and shackled to the system. I refuse to live within it but I am terrified at the thought of falling short of what I'm capable of. People expect big things from me and I intend on delivering. I want to do nothing less than change the world. Because in the end, that is a very minimal thing to do when the world itself is meaningless. I'm on the outside looking in, but the solitude provides great space for thinking, for creating, for observing. Such great variances between me and seemingly everyone I know gives me great advantages to rewrite the system I will never be content on living within.
I shout from mountaintops and whisper to the wind all these thoughts that have festered within and erupted uncontrollably like Pompeii itself. Fragments of words and disconnected ideas rain down accompanied by great darkness, but let these sentences of hot controversy and somewhat radical ideas shine bright as lava and help guide the way. My hope is that you have bought in to my philosophies and have been rewarded with a wealth of knowledge that is only exchangeable for your freedom. Step away from the hamster wheel, leave complacency in the past, tear off the gas mask, awake from sedation, join me and break free at last. Breaking free is merely the first step but Breaking Free is Key.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Passion is Key.
As I'm beginning to write this post, it's an early Monday morning that has me up before the first rays of the sun are anywhere to be seen. Surely, it won't be completed until the sun once more resides in its bed within the mountains. I'm currently stationed at a small table in the cafe of the Broadmoor as the aroma of burnt coffee parades around the room and nervous teenagers run about playing adult for the day. Pastry chefs file in carrying the warm, elegant masterpieces they've slaved all morning to create, which will undoubtedly be gulped down within minutes. A man in his twenties occupies the seat next to me and scrolls through the latest scientific findings on his all-too-commonly-oversized cell phone. A jogger can be seen in the distance as she races the sun up the horizon. Now is not the time for sleepy eyes, but the time for looking deeper. For seeing past the forced smiles and not-so-formal business attire, past the small talk and rushing about, past the nearly impenetrable aura of personality that envelops all someone has been, is, and is yet to be. Each one of these individuals is diverse and unique in one way or another, but they also share in one collective group, one underlying factor that makes life worth living. They all have passion.
Passion is easier to identify in some people than it is in others. For some, it's reflected in their aura. It shines brightly and acts as a light of direction, guidance, and even definition. The outgoingly passionate people are obviously quite easy to identify. They're the people who do things and act certain ways not because of the possibility of a reward, recognition, or because they're asked. They do it because they love to and the act of doing it is the most rewarding thing imaginable. They radiate passion with each word they say and action they take. It's infectious. For others, it's reflected much more discretely, illuminating from within but ever so often venturing out to be seen. They hold their passion close to their heart because it means everything to them. I've observed it both ways and they are equally as powerful, mystifying, and unwaveringly beautiful.
Case Study One: The business person who honestly and wholeheartedly believes in their company's mission and will do anything to fulfill it, the student who is willing to step out of their comfort zone and compete because they want it more than the next person, the runner who is up before the sun to stay in shape. Each one of these people I've named, represent outgoing passion. Passion that can be worn on your sleeve. Before venturing any further I'd like to remind you of the literal definition of passion:
Case Study Two: A more introverted form of passion comes from those who do not demand recognition, but hope for it and undoubtedly deserve it. They're those pastry chefs who slave away in the kitchen day in and day out to make absolutely lovely pastries that people most likely won't give a second thought to as they're rushing out the door. They're those scholars who use their free time to research what's happening in the world of science. They're those teachers that plan and create for hours upon hours to develop fantastic lesson plans for often ungrateful students, not because they have to, but because they hold themselves to that standard, because they are passionate about the influence they have the chance to make. I've had my fair share of great and not-so-great teachers and coaches and the difference purely lies in each individual's passion for teaching the lesson at hand, whether it be set pieces, Dante's Inferno, or the pure importance of traveling. Passion shines through in a variety of ways and when it does it's magic.
Passion is one of the most attractive and beautiful aspects of human emotion. When someone speaks about something they're passionate about you feel connected with them in a different way, in a deeper way. You can see their eyes light up and their entire persona change. You desire to feel what they're feeling, to experience what they've experienced that made them feel so strongly, to share in their excitement. Listening to other people talk about what they're passionate about has to be one of my favorite things in the world. It's magic. It carries unmatchable potential to evoke change. And sometimes words don't do it justice. Sometimes it's all said, it's all revealed, in one split-second through one brief look.
There's one look I will never forget. A few months ago I stood behind a stand-up net observing a training that was taking place under the lights in absolutely lovely weather. A ball came screaming towards the keeper and he swiftly directed it away with his strong hands. As his eyes followed the path of the ball that traveled far past the net, they met mine for a brief moment that made time stop. His crystal blue eyes radiated passion in the purest form. His eyebrows fastened oh so slightly downward and his icy eyes stared dead ahead and through me. I was never meant to be on the other end, but I'm so glad that chance played out in my favor. It was as if his whole life was preparation for that one save that was meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It was a look I imagine he gives after every incredible save he makes. He owns that 18. I never imagined so much could be captured in one facial expression, in one brief connection of eyes. I saw in him an unmatched passion through a look I will never forget because passion moves me and I had never seen it so pure.
Passion has the ability to change the world. Sure, the necessities of going to work and school and practice are going to remain everpresent. Those things are what make the world go round, but passion is what makes it bloom. Passion is the spark of innovation and creation. What would life be if no one was passionate about something? Emotion would be meaningless. Music would be heard not felt. Soccer games would be nothing more than a sport to pass the time, in comparison to a sure form of religion for some. Teachers would show up at 7:00 and leave at 3:00 and nothing would ever get accomplished. There would be no swooning poetry or flags atop Mt. Everest. The planet would be green but humanity would be grey and dull. Opportunity and hard work water the seeds of your dreams, but passion, passion is what makes them bloom. Don't be afraid to add some color to the human race. Don't be afraid to pursue your dreams and follow them to the ends of the earth because that is what you are passionate about. Dare not to settle. Dare to be passionate because Passion is Key.
Passion is easier to identify in some people than it is in others. For some, it's reflected in their aura. It shines brightly and acts as a light of direction, guidance, and even definition. The outgoingly passionate people are obviously quite easy to identify. They're the people who do things and act certain ways not because of the possibility of a reward, recognition, or because they're asked. They do it because they love to and the act of doing it is the most rewarding thing imaginable. They radiate passion with each word they say and action they take. It's infectious. For others, it's reflected much more discretely, illuminating from within but ever so often venturing out to be seen. They hold their passion close to their heart because it means everything to them. I've observed it both ways and they are equally as powerful, mystifying, and unwaveringly beautiful.
Case Study One: The business person who honestly and wholeheartedly believes in their company's mission and will do anything to fulfill it, the student who is willing to step out of their comfort zone and compete because they want it more than the next person, the runner who is up before the sun to stay in shape. Each one of these people I've named, represent outgoing passion. Passion that can be worn on your sleeve. Before venturing any further I'd like to remind you of the literal definition of passion:
pas·sion /paSHən/
When a person's passion is barely controllable as the definition states and the case study examples illustrate, lives are transformed. Passion is such a powerful tool when used in the correct way. It leads to dedication, motivation, improvements, success, and most importantly happiness.noun1.strong and barely controllable emotion.
Case Study Two: A more introverted form of passion comes from those who do not demand recognition, but hope for it and undoubtedly deserve it. They're those pastry chefs who slave away in the kitchen day in and day out to make absolutely lovely pastries that people most likely won't give a second thought to as they're rushing out the door. They're those scholars who use their free time to research what's happening in the world of science. They're those teachers that plan and create for hours upon hours to develop fantastic lesson plans for often ungrateful students, not because they have to, but because they hold themselves to that standard, because they are passionate about the influence they have the chance to make. I've had my fair share of great and not-so-great teachers and coaches and the difference purely lies in each individual's passion for teaching the lesson at hand, whether it be set pieces, Dante's Inferno, or the pure importance of traveling. Passion shines through in a variety of ways and when it does it's magic.
Passion is one of the most attractive and beautiful aspects of human emotion. When someone speaks about something they're passionate about you feel connected with them in a different way, in a deeper way. You can see their eyes light up and their entire persona change. You desire to feel what they're feeling, to experience what they've experienced that made them feel so strongly, to share in their excitement. Listening to other people talk about what they're passionate about has to be one of my favorite things in the world. It's magic. It carries unmatchable potential to evoke change. And sometimes words don't do it justice. Sometimes it's all said, it's all revealed, in one split-second through one brief look.
There's one look I will never forget. A few months ago I stood behind a stand-up net observing a training that was taking place under the lights in absolutely lovely weather. A ball came screaming towards the keeper and he swiftly directed it away with his strong hands. As his eyes followed the path of the ball that traveled far past the net, they met mine for a brief moment that made time stop. His crystal blue eyes radiated passion in the purest form. His eyebrows fastened oh so slightly downward and his icy eyes stared dead ahead and through me. I was never meant to be on the other end, but I'm so glad that chance played out in my favor. It was as if his whole life was preparation for that one save that was meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It was a look I imagine he gives after every incredible save he makes. He owns that 18. I never imagined so much could be captured in one facial expression, in one brief connection of eyes. I saw in him an unmatched passion through a look I will never forget because passion moves me and I had never seen it so pure.
Passion has the ability to change the world. Sure, the necessities of going to work and school and practice are going to remain everpresent. Those things are what make the world go round, but passion is what makes it bloom. Passion is the spark of innovation and creation. What would life be if no one was passionate about something? Emotion would be meaningless. Music would be heard not felt. Soccer games would be nothing more than a sport to pass the time, in comparison to a sure form of religion for some. Teachers would show up at 7:00 and leave at 3:00 and nothing would ever get accomplished. There would be no swooning poetry or flags atop Mt. Everest. The planet would be green but humanity would be grey and dull. Opportunity and hard work water the seeds of your dreams, but passion, passion is what makes them bloom. Don't be afraid to add some color to the human race. Don't be afraid to pursue your dreams and follow them to the ends of the earth because that is what you are passionate about. Dare not to settle. Dare to be passionate because Passion is Key.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Gratitude is Key.
On an increasing basis, I've seen and heard of far too much tragedy lately. Log on to any of the social networking sites and apps and you are sure to see something heartbreaking and tragic more often than not. Most of the time, I have no clue how to express the emotions associated with what's sadly becoming common tragedy. Despair, disbelief, helplessness, pure sorrow. Life is so fragile, so precious, and gone so easily. To me, the scariest part of loss is the fear of forgetting. I was absolutely terrified and felt so guilty to feel normal again. To not hurt anymore. It scared me how natural it is for life to go on. Your world may come crashing down, but the Earth still rotates, the sun still rises, and the days still come and go uninterrupted. With tragedy becoming increasingly common I only hope that we do not become numb and desensitized to the events that are taking place.
When I was younger, I used to feel guilty for being happy because I knew how much hurt there was (and still is) in the world. I knew that the tragedy that is shell-shocking in the United States happens on a daily basis in other countries. I felt endlessly conflicted. On one hand, I believed I deserved to feel happy because I was living a life I was proud of. On the other, I couldn't comprehend how I could be laughing and smiling, while children half way across the world were starving without food to eat or a place to sleep at night. Battles raged on beneath my ever calm facade. Cool and collected on the surface, yet tearing at the seams within. In the end, I realized I was being supremely unfair to myself by sacrificing my happiness for something I couldn't immediately effect. But, I do intend to effect it. Whether it be through a donation to a charity or a mission trip, I'll help and I'll give and I'll sacrifice to change it. These words are not empty; they are full enough to ever so graciously carry the weight of a heavy promise.
Instead of suppressing my positive emotions of happiness and joy, I developed an increased and deepened sense of gratitude. Hearing and reading about all of the pitfalls and absolute tragedies that play out around the world, as well as very close to home, has only renewed my strong belief in the importance of gratefulness and gratitude. The connotations that are associated with my generation are far from positive in most cases. We're the age of new technology with a decrease in physical, human interaction and, above all, I notice among my generation that so many people feel entitled to everything. They disregard the fact that education is a privilege and should be treated as such. They disregard that there are more serious dilemmas than the cancellation of Flappy Bird. They disregard that so many go without enough food to eat and a place to sleep. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone and I understand that these burdens are very difficult to acknowledge and take on. I'm not asking anyone to do that. What I am asking is for people to demonstrate a bit more gratitude towards what and who they are so absolutely lucky to have.
I'm at a natural reflection point in my life. I'm between seasons, I've decided where I want to go to college, and I'm left staring back at the rungs I've climbed thus far to my dreams rooted in the clouds. The first thing that came into mind when I committed was how essential it is to thank all of the people that have helped me reach this step in my career and in life. Without them, I surely wouldn't be where I am. Whether it be positive or negative, every person I've interacted with has had an effect on me. The way I adapted to and interpreted each interaction has shaped me into a person that I'm genuinely proud of. To me, the most important and exciting thing about critical, big moments is being able to recognize everyone who helped me along the way. Whether it was personal training sessions, a word of encouragement, or simply support, it all was absolutely paramount. I've been so fortunate to fall in stride with the right people at the right time.
There's a quote that I've heard a countless number of times and think it proves an excellent point; "What if all you had tomorrow is what you were thankful for today?" Ask yourself, what would you have? Be thankful. There is no shame in demonstrating thanks. It is not a sign of weakness, but a symbol of strength that you are able to recognize all that someone has done for you, even if it's been minimal. Never underestimate the strength of recognition. So many people work tirelessly seeking nothing more than to fulfill their potential and exceed their personal standards. They give and give and give and if we do not give back a mere word of thanks (at the least) to balance it out, they will simply run out. The world is full of so many unsung heroes that are too humble to ever demand recognition or even ask for it. Dare to be their song bird and spread how beautiful they make humanity. Sometimes those few words can serve as that extra bit of gasoline when the tank has been running on empty for far too long. A simple thank you has the power to lift people up and strengthen relationships.
The world is chaotic and loud. Silence it with gratitude. Be generous enough to give thanks for all you are so lucky to have and be wise enough to know that not everyone can be so lucky. In times of so much loss and so much tragedy, it's so essential to remember what and who is important. There are few better ways to make relationships concrete than to let one another know that they are appreciated and that everything that they do does not go without recognition and thanks. The world is a place of darkness and opportunity. Use each opportunity you have to banish the darkness with the brightness of an infectious smile. I encourage you to take part in the movement, even if it's as simple as writing down one thing you are thankful for before you go to sleep every night. Once you become comfortable with that, dare to voice your gratitude to the deserving. Gratitude can be a chain reaction and a moving force in the world. and because of that Gratitude is Key.
When I was younger, I used to feel guilty for being happy because I knew how much hurt there was (and still is) in the world. I knew that the tragedy that is shell-shocking in the United States happens on a daily basis in other countries. I felt endlessly conflicted. On one hand, I believed I deserved to feel happy because I was living a life I was proud of. On the other, I couldn't comprehend how I could be laughing and smiling, while children half way across the world were starving without food to eat or a place to sleep at night. Battles raged on beneath my ever calm facade. Cool and collected on the surface, yet tearing at the seams within. In the end, I realized I was being supremely unfair to myself by sacrificing my happiness for something I couldn't immediately effect. But, I do intend to effect it. Whether it be through a donation to a charity or a mission trip, I'll help and I'll give and I'll sacrifice to change it. These words are not empty; they are full enough to ever so graciously carry the weight of a heavy promise.
Instead of suppressing my positive emotions of happiness and joy, I developed an increased and deepened sense of gratitude. Hearing and reading about all of the pitfalls and absolute tragedies that play out around the world, as well as very close to home, has only renewed my strong belief in the importance of gratefulness and gratitude. The connotations that are associated with my generation are far from positive in most cases. We're the age of new technology with a decrease in physical, human interaction and, above all, I notice among my generation that so many people feel entitled to everything. They disregard the fact that education is a privilege and should be treated as such. They disregard that there are more serious dilemmas than the cancellation of Flappy Bird. They disregard that so many go without enough food to eat and a place to sleep. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone and I understand that these burdens are very difficult to acknowledge and take on. I'm not asking anyone to do that. What I am asking is for people to demonstrate a bit more gratitude towards what and who they are so absolutely lucky to have.
I'm at a natural reflection point in my life. I'm between seasons, I've decided where I want to go to college, and I'm left staring back at the rungs I've climbed thus far to my dreams rooted in the clouds. The first thing that came into mind when I committed was how essential it is to thank all of the people that have helped me reach this step in my career and in life. Without them, I surely wouldn't be where I am. Whether it be positive or negative, every person I've interacted with has had an effect on me. The way I adapted to and interpreted each interaction has shaped me into a person that I'm genuinely proud of. To me, the most important and exciting thing about critical, big moments is being able to recognize everyone who helped me along the way. Whether it was personal training sessions, a word of encouragement, or simply support, it all was absolutely paramount. I've been so fortunate to fall in stride with the right people at the right time.
There's a quote that I've heard a countless number of times and think it proves an excellent point; "What if all you had tomorrow is what you were thankful for today?" Ask yourself, what would you have? Be thankful. There is no shame in demonstrating thanks. It is not a sign of weakness, but a symbol of strength that you are able to recognize all that someone has done for you, even if it's been minimal. Never underestimate the strength of recognition. So many people work tirelessly seeking nothing more than to fulfill their potential and exceed their personal standards. They give and give and give and if we do not give back a mere word of thanks (at the least) to balance it out, they will simply run out. The world is full of so many unsung heroes that are too humble to ever demand recognition or even ask for it. Dare to be their song bird and spread how beautiful they make humanity. Sometimes those few words can serve as that extra bit of gasoline when the tank has been running on empty for far too long. A simple thank you has the power to lift people up and strengthen relationships.
The world is chaotic and loud. Silence it with gratitude. Be generous enough to give thanks for all you are so lucky to have and be wise enough to know that not everyone can be so lucky. In times of so much loss and so much tragedy, it's so essential to remember what and who is important. There are few better ways to make relationships concrete than to let one another know that they are appreciated and that everything that they do does not go without recognition and thanks. The world is a place of darkness and opportunity. Use each opportunity you have to banish the darkness with the brightness of an infectious smile. I encourage you to take part in the movement, even if it's as simple as writing down one thing you are thankful for before you go to sleep every night. Once you become comfortable with that, dare to voice your gratitude to the deserving. Gratitude can be a chain reaction and a moving force in the world. and because of that Gratitude is Key.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Adventure is Key.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” -Mark Twain
The past few months have been a whirlwind of new faces and new places, ultimately leaving my life caught between phases. I'm clinching onto everything I know with fists held tight when, really, I should be giving up the fight. I love it here and I've made that clear, but my fear is resting on broken foundations. Shortly it will seep between the cracks and become something of the past. I've never been one to live inside my comfort zone. Those walls are built to scale, the future whispers what it entails. Silence your regret, your worry, your fear and maybe, just maybe you'll hear life's calling. It's calling you near.
What comes next is not merely a new chapter in my book; it's a new book entirely. The presence of only a few characters will remain, the setting has been completely recreated, and the plot has been altered. Lately, I've been hanging on to every inch of every remaining page too afraid to take it to the next stage, but it's about time I bring my fear out of place. After all, it's always struggled to keep pace with my ambitions. Solidifying my future has been an unreal experience. Throughout the last year of my residence in Colorado, I've been taking special note of all the things I absolutely adore about this place I call home and it's no surprise that the list goes on and on. To add to it, over the past few months I've transformed into this existential, tree-hugging figure who idolizes organic food, internal balance, and being one with the world. People like that absolutely thrive in Colorado and now I am choosing to leave it all behind. Murphy's Law right? Actually, not so much. This decision is all my own. If I thought it more important to stay home, I very well would have chosen to do so. Colorado is my comfort zone and it's been unwaveringly good to me, but it's time to tear down the walls. My hunger for life has consumed what these picturesque mountains have graciously offered me. I've guiltily exhausted the resources I've been provided with and now I cannot risk complacency. Comfort poisons my hunger.
Yes, it would be easier to live in Colorado my whole life and to get a coaching job perhaps even at the very club I currently play for. It's always easier to settle and to give up on your dreams because "it was never possible" or "it just wasn't meant to be". Many people would be comfortable with making those assumptions and not giving it a second glance, but I cannot assign myself to that category. I wasn't put on this Earth to settle, I was placed here to make waves and I intend on doing so. In order to accomplish such a thing, I can't be content with setting up camp on the diving board; I must dare to jump. I must be hungry for adventure. I theorize that that is where many people go wrong. People refuse to jump, not because of a fear of heights, but because of a fear of falling, a fear of failing. And to that I say, doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. We have this one life to live. Why not go for gold? The view from the diving board may be breathtaking, but after a while we become numb to it because it's the same perspective of the sky, of life. It's familiar. It's comfortable, but what a waste of time to see life always illuminated in the same light. Dare to shine brighter. Dare to dream bigger. Dare to see the world through new eyes. Dare to sacrifice your comfort to accomplish and to become all you could ever imagine. And for Heaven's sake, dare to jump. You'd be surprised where you end up after taking a leap of faith. When that leap isn't taken, we are left with the mundane routines of working to work because what else is there left to do?
People get so caught up in working to live that they forget to do just that. Personally, I plan to start dedicating a portion of my paycheck (as soon as I become employed) to a travel fund. It costs roughly 10,000 dollars to travel the world for a year, so that's my goal. I'll be working to live, but not in the traditional way, in the adventurous way. That's what our time on Earth is for! To experience, to feel, and to change lives. I want to shake awake all theses people I see brainwashed by their cyclical lifestyles. They wake up and drive to work to be able to pay for the gas needed to get there and to afford the home they leave vacant all day because they're slaving away in order to pay rent. The system is broken and I don't want to live within it. They're blinded by menacing tasks: the lawn needs to be mowed, the dishes need to be cleaned, the living room needs to be dusted. I say let the grass be long, let the dishes be dirty, welcome the gathering dust. There are more important things to attend to, adventures to plan, uncharted waters to cross, people to be helped, life to be lived. Now, what say you?
Perhaps this is an extreme visual, but I believe it needs to be seen. Maybe this will finally open some eyes and allow people to realize the excuses and the lies they've been telling themselves to get by. Simply, time flies. Have a bit of spontaneity, dare to jump, go where the adventure leads you. It doesn't have to be some exotic trip to a developing country to promote peace. An adventure can be as simple as trying something new outside of your comfort zone. Obviously I'm embarking on a pretty huge adventure in a few months, but I've also recently began an entirely separate adventure. I tried something new for the first time in who knows how long and absolutely fell in love. My first trip to a climbing gym serves as page one of a fantastic adventure to come and I'm ecstatic to see where it takes me. I didn't have to break the bank to add another aspect to my life and give my character a bit more texture. Adventure surrounds us.
A few years ago I stumbled upon the realization that once we're gone, we're gone. There's no coming back. There's no second chance to see all the things you wanted to see, to experience all the things you so desired, and to achieve all of the goals you set out to accomplish. And in that moment I decided that I am not content with a digital image of the Eiffel Tower or reading about the Finnish culture or perusing over articles claiming how fantastic the soccer culture is in Brazil, Italy, and England. If I allow life to pass me by without experiencing these things first hand, I know I'll be kicking myself. I've taken a long, hard look at the future staring back at me and I've decided exactly who I want to become and exactly the lifestyle I am determined to live. I'm not content with settling for second-hand experiences and because I use this planet's resources and America is rooted in so many ethnicities, I feel the responsibility to immerse myself in and experience as many cultures as possible that make up the beautiful diversities of Earth.
My aforementioned definition of life is to experience, to feel, and to change lives. I don't know about you but I believe setting out with the goal to change lives will undoubtedly result in an adventure of massive proportions. I've had the privilege of having a comfortable, luxurious even, upbringing and for that reason alone I feel the need to give back not only locally, but globally. My means of doing so is through the beautiful game of football, or as us Americans call it, soccer. I've never had to go without a quality pair of boots, Fifa approved soccer ball, or decent pitch to play on. However, many footy players around the globe are left with nothing but some old goal posts and a soccer ball made out of plastic bags or trash, yet they still paint masterpieces with their feet and their makeshift ball on a canvas of dirt. They deserve quality equipment just as much as the next person and I intend on providing it and what an adventure that is going to be.
The last aspect of my definition is to feel and is perhaps the easiest to justify. When you are staring up at the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona or hearing the chants of Glory Glory Man United at Old Trafford or handing a child their very first pair of cleats, how can you not feel starstruck, incredible, alive? People are always asking what is the meaning of life? What does it all mean? I'll let you in on a secret, the answer is in the question. We were placed here to live; not to stare at a spreadsheet for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for 30 years of our lives. If you are passionate about your job , your career, then more power to you, but don't forget to do all of the things you had intended to do. Don't rest on the "someday I'll" philosophy because as the clock ticks on, those somedays are passing you by and time is one thing that you can't get back. You only have this one life to live, spend it doing something that makes you feel everything you've ever wanted to. I believe the only thing that will make me feel fulfilled is to dive into cultures head over heels. The feelings associated with that must be indescribable.
So now, book one of my life is nearly complete and I couldn't be more excited that the adventure has just begun. Don't take the time you have here for granted. The world is your oyster and you are capable of anything. You don't have to submit to living within the system, dare to rewrite it. The story of your life is an incredible thing and the best part is that you are the author. With each experience, you punch down the letters with drive and charisma. You have the sole power of choosing the characters that remain and you can paint whichever setting you'd like. Your life can be whatever genre you choose it to be. I've read some boring books in my time, just as I have met some boring, one-dimensional people. I refuse to allow my story to play out that way. I am determined to fill my books with stories worth telling. Like all good novels, it will surely have pitfalls and danger, mystery and elation, but I will never let the cons keep me from embarking. Simply, always remember that you are the author and that Adventure is Key.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Companionship is Key.
Here, in this quiet hour, I will wait patiently in the presence of solitude. I will allow every ounce of lonely atmosphere to dance about me and through me. My legs are far too fatigued to continue running from a feeling that persists on catching up. My heart far too familiar with the echo of its beats. My lungs far too tired of providing the breath before the phrase that a pair of ears never desired to hear. I will admire this cloud of solitude that sweeps over me now and will surely return later. The recognition of this hollowness will only allow for the greatest appreciation of company, of companionship in the most genuine form...if I allow it.
For months upon months which is threatening to turn into years upon years, I've been running, sprinting rather, from any form of authentic companionship for one reason. That reason being my belief that all things are temporary. Few things are built to last forever. I have my fair share of reasons for believing such a thing, the first being that 10 months and 26 days ago I experienced my first real brush with tragedy. I was never extremely close with him, but still close enough that it shook my world when I heard what had happened. Like anything else today I learned of it over social networking, which was horrific all on its own. Unbelievable. So young, yet so desperate for help. Gone with a single squeeze of a hand. A hand that needed nothing but holding, nothing but reassurance, nothing but guidance to the seemingly nonexistent light at the end of the tunnel that came ever close to collapsing and tragically did. The mountain of a short lifetime of burdens proved to weigh too much for the fragile structure of the tunnel to sustain. Too much. The vibrations of such a sudden collapse reached farther than one could have imagined and they're still felt today as they travel all the way to heaven, bounce off the golden gates and come back to us at the most unexpected times. My heart aches for you and it always will. Because of this, attachment is a scary concept to me. You invest a part of yourself in every person that you meet and when they're taken so suddenly, a piece of you goes with them.
Next reason. As a child of a teacher, I spent the majority of my time tucked away in a school. For most of my childhood I was there an hour before school began and two or three hours after it ended. I never really knew another way of life so I have absolutely no means of complaining. The school was a second home and the teachers became my friends. I never felt out of my comfort zone around them, which was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I was provided a safe and comfortable environment to learn, on the other, I didn't need to make friends in order to feel comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I had friends when I was a child, but not many came from school. Consistent with most aspects of my life, soccer was my reprieve. I was certain that the friendships I formed with my teammates and coaches would be lifelong, but as we all seem to know too well, times change and people follow and they take a piece of you with them when they promptly exit stage left as you travel down the path you assume to be right.
Once the school I attended and the school my mother taught at were no longer one in the same, I had no crutch to rely on and that was the beginning of an absolutely critical time period. I had to make my own decisions, form my own values, and decide who I should spend my time around. Consequently, this brings me to my third and final reason. I met some people that I greatly admired and was lucky to befriend. They guided me ever so gracefully through what otherwise would have been a daunting new environment. However, some people were not at all who I had expected them to be and they've greatly attributed to my independent style of living. I remember quite vividly a very close friend of mine telling me that he was not my therapist and he was not my mom and that because he didn't tell me his problems, he shouldn't have to listen to mine. Lovely lad, wasn't he? But I digress. His point was valid in the end. Who really wants to hear why someone's life is worse than yours? Not many. Anyway, the effect it had was that the need I had to confide in someone vanished. I can handle myself. I don't need people spewing their judgements on me. The few good friends I had have gone their separate ways as life leads us to do. All things are temporary.
So here I've outlined my reasons for my somewhat cynical views towards friendship and here I am telling you that although they're genuine, they're bullshit reasons to shy away from friendship. These things happen in life, but they should not defer you from sharing a friendship or finding a companion to at least pass the time with. I've been guilty most, if not all, of my life for caring too much. The people who care get hurt. They get made fun of. And that blows my mind. For a long, long time I absolutely did not believe that someone could care too much about another human being, but situation after situation has proved me wrong and that saddens me. However, the reward far exceeds the risk of losing a bit of yourself in each person you meet because in return, you gain a piece of the people that you've met along the way. It's undeniably true that most things are temporary and it pierces your heart like a shard of glass when their time to exit your life, by chance or by choice, comes along. But each shard of glass fits together in the way that you choose to make up a stained-glass window of a person. The people you meet along the way help you to create your image, but what makes it shine is the light from within. When that light goes out, it's paramount that you have friends you can rely on. People that know exactly who you are. People who genuinely care about you to reignite that light. Hell yeah there's risk, but what would life amount to if we always let fear get the best of us?
I'm undoubtedly an introvert. I don't see the point in talking for talking's sake which is based on a philosophy I have that's invariably Finnish: whichever words are being said should be more important than the silence they're interrupting. I have things to say, they just don't happen to fall in line with the latest on Breaking Bad, which is largely the reason I started this blog. Being an introvert makes it increasingly difficult to find companions that I genuinely feel like I connect with. My life currently consists of loose ends, no connections. I struggle to feel understood, but rather than disregard the importance of companionship, I find it's essential to embrace it and to be patient. Life has enough challenges on it's own, we don't need to submit to going through it alone. We just need to find the right people to share it with; people that are similar to us, people that understand us.
If nothing else, everyone deserves to feel understood. To be graced with the acknowledgement of all you are, all that you’re not, and all that you’re yet to be. Someone to look into your eyes and not merely see their own reflection, but the reflection of every tear, every broken heart, every smile, every dropped jaw that makes up your very being. Words heard but unspoken. Fragile threads connecting your minds and hearts. Late night fears, desires, dreams dancing off of your tongue to find welcoming ears. Shared moments braid the individual strings together, strengthening the bond. Gone with one swift motion of an elegant sharp edge. Torn and tethered. Yet, gathered once more to stitch together the fabric of your façade. Rare but invaluable. The kind of understanding that envelops you, but goes unseen. An understanding that recognizes the dark valleys of your past, the shadowy realities of your present, and the uncharted waters of your future. Only authentic companionship can provide an understanding so genuine and so invaluable and for even that reason alone, Companionship is Key.
For months upon months which is threatening to turn into years upon years, I've been running, sprinting rather, from any form of authentic companionship for one reason. That reason being my belief that all things are temporary. Few things are built to last forever. I have my fair share of reasons for believing such a thing, the first being that 10 months and 26 days ago I experienced my first real brush with tragedy. I was never extremely close with him, but still close enough that it shook my world when I heard what had happened. Like anything else today I learned of it over social networking, which was horrific all on its own. Unbelievable. So young, yet so desperate for help. Gone with a single squeeze of a hand. A hand that needed nothing but holding, nothing but reassurance, nothing but guidance to the seemingly nonexistent light at the end of the tunnel that came ever close to collapsing and tragically did. The mountain of a short lifetime of burdens proved to weigh too much for the fragile structure of the tunnel to sustain. Too much. The vibrations of such a sudden collapse reached farther than one could have imagined and they're still felt today as they travel all the way to heaven, bounce off the golden gates and come back to us at the most unexpected times. My heart aches for you and it always will. Because of this, attachment is a scary concept to me. You invest a part of yourself in every person that you meet and when they're taken so suddenly, a piece of you goes with them.
Next reason. As a child of a teacher, I spent the majority of my time tucked away in a school. For most of my childhood I was there an hour before school began and two or three hours after it ended. I never really knew another way of life so I have absolutely no means of complaining. The school was a second home and the teachers became my friends. I never felt out of my comfort zone around them, which was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I was provided a safe and comfortable environment to learn, on the other, I didn't need to make friends in order to feel comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I had friends when I was a child, but not many came from school. Consistent with most aspects of my life, soccer was my reprieve. I was certain that the friendships I formed with my teammates and coaches would be lifelong, but as we all seem to know too well, times change and people follow and they take a piece of you with them when they promptly exit stage left as you travel down the path you assume to be right.
Once the school I attended and the school my mother taught at were no longer one in the same, I had no crutch to rely on and that was the beginning of an absolutely critical time period. I had to make my own decisions, form my own values, and decide who I should spend my time around. Consequently, this brings me to my third and final reason. I met some people that I greatly admired and was lucky to befriend. They guided me ever so gracefully through what otherwise would have been a daunting new environment. However, some people were not at all who I had expected them to be and they've greatly attributed to my independent style of living. I remember quite vividly a very close friend of mine telling me that he was not my therapist and he was not my mom and that because he didn't tell me his problems, he shouldn't have to listen to mine. Lovely lad, wasn't he? But I digress. His point was valid in the end. Who really wants to hear why someone's life is worse than yours? Not many. Anyway, the effect it had was that the need I had to confide in someone vanished. I can handle myself. I don't need people spewing their judgements on me. The few good friends I had have gone their separate ways as life leads us to do. All things are temporary.
So here I've outlined my reasons for my somewhat cynical views towards friendship and here I am telling you that although they're genuine, they're bullshit reasons to shy away from friendship. These things happen in life, but they should not defer you from sharing a friendship or finding a companion to at least pass the time with. I've been guilty most, if not all, of my life for caring too much. The people who care get hurt. They get made fun of. And that blows my mind. For a long, long time I absolutely did not believe that someone could care too much about another human being, but situation after situation has proved me wrong and that saddens me. However, the reward far exceeds the risk of losing a bit of yourself in each person you meet because in return, you gain a piece of the people that you've met along the way. It's undeniably true that most things are temporary and it pierces your heart like a shard of glass when their time to exit your life, by chance or by choice, comes along. But each shard of glass fits together in the way that you choose to make up a stained-glass window of a person. The people you meet along the way help you to create your image, but what makes it shine is the light from within. When that light goes out, it's paramount that you have friends you can rely on. People that know exactly who you are. People who genuinely care about you to reignite that light. Hell yeah there's risk, but what would life amount to if we always let fear get the best of us?
I'm undoubtedly an introvert. I don't see the point in talking for talking's sake which is based on a philosophy I have that's invariably Finnish: whichever words are being said should be more important than the silence they're interrupting. I have things to say, they just don't happen to fall in line with the latest on Breaking Bad, which is largely the reason I started this blog. Being an introvert makes it increasingly difficult to find companions that I genuinely feel like I connect with. My life currently consists of loose ends, no connections. I struggle to feel understood, but rather than disregard the importance of companionship, I find it's essential to embrace it and to be patient. Life has enough challenges on it's own, we don't need to submit to going through it alone. We just need to find the right people to share it with; people that are similar to us, people that understand us.
If nothing else, everyone deserves to feel understood. To be graced with the acknowledgement of all you are, all that you’re not, and all that you’re yet to be. Someone to look into your eyes and not merely see their own reflection, but the reflection of every tear, every broken heart, every smile, every dropped jaw that makes up your very being. Words heard but unspoken. Fragile threads connecting your minds and hearts. Late night fears, desires, dreams dancing off of your tongue to find welcoming ears. Shared moments braid the individual strings together, strengthening the bond. Gone with one swift motion of an elegant sharp edge. Torn and tethered. Yet, gathered once more to stitch together the fabric of your façade. Rare but invaluable. The kind of understanding that envelops you, but goes unseen. An understanding that recognizes the dark valleys of your past, the shadowy realities of your present, and the uncharted waters of your future. Only authentic companionship can provide an understanding so genuine and so invaluable and for even that reason alone, Companionship is Key.
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