Authenticity is Key.

I've lost track of the number of times I've edited, deleted, and rewritten this post until finally I realized just how hypocritical that was. The topic is authenticity, so rather than spend hours selecting the perfect word or trading one sentence for the next, I've decided to compose this piece based on the polar opposite of composure: raw emotion. Brace yourself.

I'm so fed up with our messed up generation of entitlement and sheer ignorance of reality. Technology was intended for furthering ourselves mentally, for providing access to all the information in the world at the click of a button, and for allowing minds to be stretched in ways they were never capable of before. But we all know that isn't what most people use their smartphones and laptops for; there are apps too good to pass up and updates and endless selfies to be posted just in case your friends have forgotten what you look like in the last few days or are dying to know that you are in fact going shopping at this very moment. The creation of social media has to be one of the biggest mistakes ever made. It's a brilliant concept, but it's so vastly and grossly misused that it quickly loses all it's grandeur effects. The constant need for connection is sickening due to the fact that no honest, genuine connections are being made. People are fronting fake personas with endless filters and digital edits on the pictures they have to post to prove themselves, to prove that their happy. Endless ridiculous drama is infecting social media like the plague. People are demanding to be heard; all I need is a whisper in a world that only shouts. I want something more not just nasty and bitter. I want something real not just hashtags and Twitter.

I fear that people have forgotten altogether what an authentic friendship is or what authenticity is, period. I heard this song on the radio the other day and the chorus caught my attention. It goes "you're one of a kind living in a world gone plastic. Baby, you're so classic." You've got to be kidding me. If someone isn't plastic that doesn't qualify them as a retrotastic blast from the past. It qualifies them as a normal human being. It's sad that the trend people can identify with is going "plastic" but at the same time I couldn't think of a more perfect word to describe my generation and most of America in general right now. People plaster on fake smiles to pose for fake friends. Furthermore, (and perhaps most disappointing) when people are looking to improve how others view them and treat them, they look first to changing their appearance and not to improving themselves as a person. If only the plasticity was merely skin deep. Unfortunately, it has seeped heavily into the way we interact with one another. Conversations are no longer held eye to eye. They've come down to merely waiting for one word replies. And it's made it so simple, so easy to form friendships through lies and disguise. Authenticity is fleeting. 

To have a genuine and authentic friendship in today's world is a special thing, a possession of the highest value. I'm very lucky to have a few. What concerns me most is how unwilling people are to create them; how blatantly unwilling people are to form friendships based off of values and understanding each other to the deepest level and then going on to understand and interpret the world together. Independence remains completely intact, but each other's company and opinion is always welcome. The type of authenticity where a friend listens not to respond, but to understand. A real connection where time spent together is face-to-face and treasured because each moment is a gift, a memory in the making. A friendship built upon a foundation of understanding that becomes a towering city of accomplishments that never would have been possible without the proper support when each brick feels a bit heavier than the last. A friendship, a connection. A real, true, honest, genuine, authentic connection. Never throw that away. It's one of the only ways to deepen one's life. And in the grand scheme of things, length will never ever mean as much as depth when it comes to the number of years you've lived.

Before people can form authentic friendships, they must make sure that they are authentic themselves in their words and their actions. Authenticity has much to do with honesty. It's incredible when people constantly say things that they don't mean. Promises broken just like that become the fast track to being cemented into one's past. Honesty is better than any sugarcoated lie will ever be. I take words very seriously. I thoroughly enjoy hanging onto every syllable as it rolls off my tongue dripping with emotion and meaning and purpose. Consequently, it's upsetting when people toss around words as if they carry no weight and no meaning at all. Every word has a different weight. Some words are physically so hard to rattle off, to gain the strength to lift out of our minds and carry away from the back of our throats. And some words get lighter with time until they seemingly levitate out into the open with no effort at all. But all words carry meaning and should be treated as such. Nothing should be said that isn't meant because once it travels to other ears or eyes, it's their weight to bear. And trust me, you don't need strong fists when your words are heavy and your voice is steady. The blows are far more damaging. So choose wisely.

I love people who are authentic and just plain real. They don't pretend to be someone else because that would be an injustice to who they are. They don't change to please people or pretend to like things that other people like just to force a connection because that would be unauthentic and quite frankly a waste of time. They are who they are based off of the decisions that they've made and they own it with seemingly unwavering confidence. So many people today are forced into someone they're not in order to fit into a system that is broken. Don't give in. Stand your ground and be confident in all the beautiful things that you are and all of the things that you are not. No one but yourself is worth changing for. It's so important to remain true to yourself and develop a sureness so powerful and strong that you are able to entertain thoughts without accepting them and are always able to keep an open mind to the world but most importantly, you must be able to welcome introspection and change when necessary.

Remain authentic because authenticity is beautiful. I can only hope that more people chose to take part in creating themselves offline and that more people become willing to take the time to form and welcome authentic friendships because Authenticity is Key. 

Companionship is Key.

Here, in this quiet hour, I will wait patiently in the presence of solitude. I will allow every ounce of lonely atmosphere to dance about me and through me. My legs are far too fatigued to continue running from a feeling that persists on catching up. My heart far too familiar with the echo of its beats. My lungs far too tired of providing the breath before the phrase that a pair of ears never desired to hear. I will admire this cloud of solitude that sweeps over me now and will surely return later. The recognition of this hollowness will only allow for the greatest appreciation of company, of companionship in the most genuine form...if I allow it.

For months upon months which is threatening to turn into years upon years, I've been running, sprinting rather, from any form of authentic companionship for one reason. That reason being my belief that all things are temporary. Few things are built to last forever. I have my fair share of reasons for believing such a thing, the first being that 10 months and 26 days ago I experienced my first real brush with tragedy. I was never extremely close with him, but still close enough that it shook my world when I heard what had happened. Like anything else today I learned of it over social networking, which was horrific all on its own. Unbelievable. So young, yet so desperate for help. Gone with a single squeeze of a hand. A hand that needed nothing but holding, nothing but reassurance, nothing but guidance to the seemingly nonexistent light at the end of the tunnel that came ever close to collapsing and tragically did. The mountain of a short lifetime of burdens proved to weigh too much for the fragile structure of the tunnel to sustain. Too much. The vibrations of such a sudden collapse reached farther than one could have imagined and they're still felt today as they travel all the way to heaven, bounce off the golden gates and come back to us at the most unexpected times. My heart aches for you and it always will. Because of this, attachment is a scary concept to me. You invest a part of yourself in every person that you meet and when they're taken so suddenly, a piece of you goes with them.

Next reason. As a child of a teacher, I spent the majority of my time tucked away in a school. For most of my childhood I was there an hour before school began and two or three hours after it ended. I never really knew another way of life so I have absolutely no means of complaining. The school was a second home and the teachers became my friends. I never felt out of my comfort zone around them, which was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I was provided a safe and comfortable environment to learn, on the other, I didn't need to make friends in order to feel comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I had friends when I was a child, but not many came from school. Consistent with most aspects of my life, soccer was my reprieve. I was certain that the friendships I formed with my teammates and coaches would be lifelong, but as we all seem to know too well, times change and people follow and they take a piece of you with them when they promptly exit stage left as you travel down the path you assume to be right.

Once the school I attended and the school my mother taught at were no longer one in the same, I had no crutch to rely on and that was the beginning of an absolutely critical time period. I had to make my own decisions, form my own values, and decide who I should spend my time around. Consequently, this brings me to my third and final reason. I met some people that I greatly admired and was lucky to befriend. They guided me ever so gracefully through what otherwise would have been a daunting new environment. However, some people were not at all who I had expected them to be and they've greatly attributed to my independent style of living. I remember quite vividly a very close friend of mine telling me that he was not my therapist and he was not my mom and that because he didn't tell me his problems, he shouldn't have to listen to mine. Lovely lad, wasn't he? But I digress. His point was valid in the end. Who really wants to hear why someone's life is worse than yours? Not many. Anyway, the effect it had was that the need I had to confide in someone vanished. I can handle myself. I don't need people spewing their judgements on me. The few good friends I had have gone their separate ways as life leads us to do. All things are temporary.

So here I've outlined my reasons for my somewhat cynical views towards friendship and here I am telling you that although they're genuine, they're bullshit reasons to shy away from friendship. These things happen in life, but they should not defer you from sharing a friendship or finding a companion to at least pass the time with. I've been guilty most, if not all, of my life for caring too much. The people who care get hurt. They get made fun of. And that blows my mind. For a long, long time I absolutely did not believe that someone could care too much about another human being, but situation after situation has proved me wrong and that saddens me. However, the reward far exceeds the risk of losing a bit of yourself in each person you meet because in return, you gain a piece of the people that you've met along the way. It's undeniably true that most things are temporary and it pierces your heart like a shard of glass when their time to exit your life, by chance or by choice, comes along. But each shard of glass fits together in the way that you choose to make up a stained-glass window of a person. The people you meet along the way help you to create your image, but what makes it shine is the light from within. When that light goes out, it's paramount that you have friends you can rely on. People that know exactly who you are. People who genuinely care about you to reignite that light. Hell yeah there's risk, but what would life amount to if we always let fear get the best of us?

I'm undoubtedly an introvert. I don't see the point in talking for talking's sake which is based on a philosophy I have that's invariably Finnish: whichever words are being said should be more important than the silence they're interrupting. I have things to say, they just don't happen to fall in line with the latest on Breaking Bad, which is largely the reason I started this blog. Being an introvert makes it increasingly difficult to find companions that I genuinely feel like I connect with. My life currently consists of loose ends, no connections. I struggle to feel understood, but rather than disregard the importance of companionship, I find it's essential to embrace it and to be patient. Life has enough challenges on it's own, we don't need to submit to going through it alone. We just need to find the right people to share it with; people that are similar to us, people that understand us.

If nothing else, everyone deserves to feel understood. To be graced with the acknowledgement of all you are, all that you’re not, and all that you’re yet to be. Someone to look into your eyes and not merely see their own reflection, but the reflection of every tear, every broken heart, every smile, every dropped jaw that makes up your very being. Words heard but unspoken. Fragile threads connecting your minds and hearts. Late night fears, desires, dreams dancing off of your tongue to find welcoming ears. Shared moments braid the individual strings together, strengthening the bond. Gone with one swift motion of an elegant sharp edge. Torn and tethered. Yet, gathered once more to stitch together the fabric of your façade. Rare but invaluable. The kind of understanding that envelops you, but goes unseen. An understanding that recognizes the dark valleys of your past, the shadowy realities of your present, and the uncharted waters of your future. Only authentic companionship can provide an understanding so genuine and so invaluable and for even that reason alone, Companionship is Key.