Control is Key.

Scientifically, emotion is just a mental reaction in the form of a release of some type of neurotransmitter in response to stimuli. However, with logic and science set aside, I wonder if the emotion can come first and justification second. Example. I woke up this morning after a late night of catching up on school work. I was a bit tired as always (restlessness is ever present), but I also felt unnecessarily upset. No sound reason behind it, after all I had just woken up. No upsetting dream that I could recall. I went to bed fairly happy, pleased at best. So the question remains: why was I so unnecessarily upset? Cognitive dissonance swiftly on the rise led to the assignment of an explanation, but I question its relevance. It all seems a bit trivial. Emotion first. Justification second. The explanation that my subconscious cleverly stitched together would normally suffice, but not today. Not with the possibility of so many interchangeable emotional reactions to this one stimulus that has occurred a multitude of times.

I've always been a deeply emotional person, allowing myself to feel the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but this has led to an awareness of the dangers associated with such freedom. What goes up must come down. In the present, I find it increasingly difficult to allow myself happiness because I know what’s on the other side of it. Some may term it chronic disappointment and perhaps I focus too much on logic and intellect for my own good, but it’s led to new barriers and defense mechanisms against the potential emotional outcomes of circumstance and situation. Primarily, I’m much more guarded than before. I let others' opinions have less effect on me. I don't dive blindly into friendship or commitments. I'm more aware of the emotional effects events embed.

When situations play out similarly to those I've previously encountered, it’s natural to expect a similar outcome both literally and emotionally. Essentially, I’m trying to predict the future using my past. Sometimes the process is applicable and other times it isn't. My weakness comes in the form of differentiating between the two. Just because a situation is similar doesn't mean it’s going to play out in the same manner, but it's a possibility. Despite that weakness, I've learned from my past experiences how to identify cues people give off both intentionally and unintentionally. I’m decently good at recognizing these cues; where I struggle is listening to the conclusions I've logically conjured and setting emotion aside. I strongly believe in the relevance and beauty of pure human emotion, but I also understand the consequences involved in not having a very tight grasp on them.

Few, if any, positive things result from letting emotion get the best of us. I can recall far too many times when I've been beyond the boundaries of pissed off and words quickly regretted escaped my lips before my mind could lock them away. There is a time and a place to express feelings of anger, disagreement, and even adoration. But I strongly, strongly suggest that such things are said after the emotional high has ceased. That way you know exactly what you are saying and even though you may not know the response you will get, you have secure reasoning for why you said it.

The same premise applies to actions. If we're placed in a high-pressure situation and a wave of fear sweeps over us, we cannot cower in the face of the challenge. We must acknowledge the feeling, adapt, and act. Emotions are ceaselessly beautiful in the purest form, but granting them the power to run our life is a mistake. From my personal experiences, even keel is the way to go. Emotions run deep, but logic runs deeper. Control is key.

Presence is Key.

Walking through the hallways all I seem to hear from my peers is: I can't wait to get out of this place. (Maybe "place" wasn't the exact word that was used, but I figured some decency could be salvaged.) More often now than ever we find ourselves looking forward to the future with our minds preoccupied with menacing agendas and pending tasks that subsequently add to the mounds of stress and pure mental instability that envelops more people than not. Our conscious is clouded with all that was and all that is planned to be. As a high school student, scholarships, teacher recommendations, and college applications are constantly at the forefront of my mind, which removes me from whatever situation or environment I may be in. Physically a student may be trudging through the halls, a coworker pressing on in their cubicle, or even a sister attending a wedding and although 100% of their physical being is present, their body is hollow. If you're not there mentally and emotionally, the moment is compromised. 

"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence..."

Just as quickly as one can become preoccupied with all that the future may or may not entail, one can become chained to a past they cannot mentally break free of. I know many people (including myself) that have been victims of having their eyes glued to the mirror. Although the reflection is accurate, the image is unwaveringly embedded behind us. The brutal truth is that the past is the past and it's not coming back. To allow the past to seep into the present is to ruin the gift of a new day. Don't poison the innocent potential of today, with the bitter memories of closed chapters. If our minds are filled with fixations of how things used to be, we are unable to fully experience and appreciate how they are now. Time slips by all too discretely to sacrifice seconds living in a presence that no longer exists. 

"...guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."  -Eckhart Tolle

We've ruled out trying to transport into the future, as well as attempting to forever remain in the past.What's left? (It's not a trick-question). If you answered "live in the present," then congratulations, you are wiser than most people I know and receive the oh so valuable prize of common sense. Well done. It's truly so incredibly invaluable to place yourself in the present and to live in the moment. I've never been one to do so until recently. Time after time, stress had me at the end of my rope just about ready to plunge into anything to escape the insurmountable weight. After a chat with an admirable friend and role model, I decided it was time to try something new: focus on one thing at a time as it presents itself. Paying more attention to the exact moment I am in and being fully present physically, mentally, and emotionally has led to an incredible alleviation of stress and a dramatic increase in overall mental health. My relationships have improved, my grades have increased, and I am steadily regaining my sense of self. It's not enough to offer your physical presence to someone. You have to be there, in every way possible.

Recognize and absorb every aspect of the environment you're currently in. The sounds, the smells, the emotion. Pay close attention to the way your friends or family are stringing together words. Don't merely listen to respond, listen to understand. Exile all thoughts irrelevant to the moment. It will set you free. Presence is key. 

Commencement is Key

As occupants of this incredible planet, we share in many of the challenges we face despite our ongoing variances. Similar adversities are overcome, similar heartaches are felt, similar circumstances are presented. On the whole, humans are really quite similar. Consistent with most things, the difference is in the details. That being said, my intention is to lay out for you the experiences that take place in the life of a physical inhabitant of this planet, but intellectual citizen of the cosmos, from sunrise to sunset to sunrise once again in hope that they can assist you in some way through your journey of life. What proceeds are the keys that may get you from one day to the next, merely spur a moment of thought, or unlock the doors to an unimaginable future. They're up for interpretation and fully at your disposal. Thanks for reading and, by all means, enjoy the ride.